Sunday, December 14, 2014

Definition of Self


One by one,
Single file
Flowing steady
Down the assembly line
Day by day
Following the crowd
Instead of
Changing the course.
Morphed into
A simple cookie cutter
molded
By another pair of hands
Not your own.
Bland taste, no spice
Always a side
 Never a meal.


Unlock your shackles
Find your own lane
Go off course
Morph abstractly.
Marvel in the unthinkable
Lead the pack
Be significant.
One can’t change
The world being
Safe, self-sheltering.
Go define yourself.


Monday, September 22, 2014

Untitled

Like a wrecking ball, destruction is more likely than construction.

I’ve run out of bricks of motivation.
The cement that holds everything together is weakening
and crumbling underneath my two feet.
Each step on this road slowly cripples
a once effortless motion.
The emotional stress feels more like a 9-5
than a form of entertainment.

Depression sets in gradually,
but is now in full force;
slamming through my sturdy walls
Like thin glass.

Confusion and hate
are my main fuel source.
And the temptation of rebuilding next season
might not be enough to pay off the debt of the tears
passed and to come.

Most would leave the rubble and move on,
but to leave something so ingrained,
that meant freedom and passion
seems wasteful and unimaginable.

I’m at a standstill,
unsure of my next move.
Wishing someone had an answer.



Monday, May 12, 2014

Yield

I find a sense of freedom on the road.

My ears are flooded with
a mix of silence and the whisper of exiting air.
My mind rambles of a list of
unwished dreams,
undiscovered thoughts,
and feelings not yet perceived.
That is until now…


The road reveals you.


Every
step
Second
Drop of rain
Whistle of the wind
Unveils your inner most self.


It leaves something only you can seek and find
Strengths and weaknesses are broadcasted.
Utopias and freedoms meet in an intersection.
Pain exits on the pavement.
Acceptance enters on the next street.
Chains are thrown into the nearby ditch.
Souls find meaning with each distancing stride.


A new escape awaits daily.
So I lace up my shoes
And confide in the road.


Friday, March 28, 2014

Worriment

Sinking
           

                  Sinking



Emotion-filled aches travel through my system with the devastation of an earthquake.

Unconquerable
No shield

It’s a slow suicide,
A sentence to hell

I can run, but never discover the hiding place in which my mind can’t seek me.

My thoughts become a form of the typical playground bully,

Terrorizing me consistently
and brutally.

My mental state leaves me hunched over in agony
with no lending hand in sight.

My mind drafts me into a war in which I have no capability to survive.

This isn’t a battle of the masses.

 It’s internal,


A battle of self.


Friday, February 21, 2014

An Unthankful Gift

It all unraveled the Sunday after Thanksgiving
The feast had been digested; the cliché family pictures captured
Everything was “right” in the Kingsley household,
Or at least I thought it was.

My frantic mother appeared in my doorway.
“I think I need to call 911. Go look at your Dad.”

Is this a joke? She had to be exaggerating.

Ten nerve-racking steps brought me to one hell of a reality.
Every inch of his skin covered in a thick blanket of sweat.
His bulging blue eyes alert, yet unresponsive.
Gasping for any ounce of oxygen his lungs could absorb.
A blubbering humming noise escaping from his lips.

Why was this happening?
Are we going to be planning a funeral tomorrow?

Nervous laughter poured out of my mouth like lava,
Then abruptly changed to hysterical tears.
Red and blue flashes of light radiated through the opened kitchen window.
Multiple strangers put my father’s limp body onto a stretcher.

God, please just make him better.

When we arrived at the hospital, the doctor moved towards us.
I only heard bits of pieces of what the tall worn man had to say.
“Seven percent chance of survival…”
“A human being can’t be much more ill than this.”
“Brain aneurysm.”
At that moment, I knew life would never be the same.

Months would be spent sitting anxiously in waiting rooms.
A miracle would be given to my family.
The aneurysm didn’t murder my father,
But it killed everything he loved except his family.